I’ve heard all of the New York propaganda known to man. “Greatest city in the world!”. “Serendipitiy!”. “The place you need to be if you want to get ahead!”.
Blah blah blah.
Don’t get me wrong: I really like NYC. I’ve strictly had good times visiting. But, I much prefer living in Philly to NYC.
Because Philly’s more real.
NYC, to me, is just too damn fake. It’s so rampant that if you’re able to find a spot away from all the trash, you’re able to literally smell it.
People dress a certain way to get into that club or attract that girl. They paint a hyperbolic image of themselves on dating apps. They’re in banking for the money. They hang out with people they don’t like and do things they don’t care about because they want to social climb. They tweet a certain way for clicks. They make themselves seem happy on Instagram. They only post BeReals when they are doing something fun. They repress their views and opinions to avoid backlash.1
On one level, I understand why people act fake. Most people aren’t exceptionally smart, funny, good-looking, athletic, or talented. So, they think they are at risk of being another John Doe nobody cares about. Just another face in the crowd. Being fake is a coping mechanism. An escape from the realities of your life into the world of who you wish you were.
Society doesn’t help in this regard. We’re told constantly that success looks a certain way. Talks a certain way. Works a certain career. It’s no wonder that people try so hard to fit this image.
But, I think this is a mistake.
You can always easily change the outside, but you can’t easily change who you really are. If you’re an insecure little fuck, putting on some Gucci isn’t going to change that. If you can’t stand banking, the money isn’t going to make you truly happy. Being fake is an escape, but escapes don’t affect real life.
What people don’t realize is that being fake doesn’t make you stand out from the crowd. All it does is put you in another crowd. But this time, it won’t be the crowd you’re supposed to be in. Sure, maybe it’s a more “successful” crowd, but you’ll have to keep the fake shit up all the time if you want to stay in. Is that really the life you want to live? How will you form meaningful, genuine connections? How will you ever truly discover who you are?
In reality, the real people stand out the most. You probably know a few in your life. People who were so unapologetically themselves it makes you almost cringe. If you don’t know them personally, then I’m sure you are familiar with some famous ones. Dave Portnoy, Ben Shapiro, Andrew Tate, etc.
The reason these people are so memorable is that we’re not used to people just being themselves. There’s something magnetic about somebody who truly doesn’t give a fuck what other people think. It’s visceral. It’s just so different from what we’re used to.
And difference is how you stand out, not conformity.
But, being real is really freaking hard. You have to become accustomed to more people disagreeing with you. Shitting on you. Or just not treating you with the same kindness as they did before when you were part of the group.
You’ll have to put in the hard work of getting to know yourself. What makes you want to get up in the morning? What are your opinions on work, culture, and politics? Why do you have those opinions? How do you want to dress? What do you want in a partner?
And then you have to go live your life without giving a fuck about what other people think.
It’s not going to be easy after a lifetime of being fake. But, it’s your best shot to stand out from the crowd. Especially if you’re usually just another face in it.2
All common in major cities, but extremely so in NYC.
I don’t want to act like I’m always 100% real. I don’t know if anybody is. But, I’m hoping to get there eventually.